Day 19

I haven't spoken to my parents in 8 months. They were verbally and emotionally abusive to me ever since I turned 13. And as you probably read in a previous post, I even tried to kill myself to get away from them. They didn't always used to be that way, though. My mother used to be a class A beauty. Captain of the cheerleading team, and a genius. She was also well trained violinist. Then she started picking skin off her own face from stress. And then she started taking so many pills and Nyquil that her speech has started to slur and she would sometimes forget her own name. She's a hollow, scarred shell now.

My father was the high school quarterback. He used to be a popular dj in his hometown. He was incredibly smart, and predicted that computers would play a major role in people's lives. Guys wanted to be him, and girls wanted to be with him. Now? He has severe anger issues because he can't accept the fact that he's pushing 60 and his body is giving out on him. He never got his degree, and all he talks about now is how real estate is the way to go. Keep in mind that my mother is avoiding the IRS because she hasn't paid taxes in 5+ years. And my father is also in tens of thousands of dollars in debt, yet he doesn't have a job and hasn't had one since before I was born. They hate each other. They hate how their lives have turned out. They hate the fact that all 3 of their children are actually successful no thanks to them.

I say all of that to say that I don't think it's possible for me to disrespect them. They used their own children as pawns against each other. They forced my brother and sister to take care of me when they were kids. I might sound like a horrible daughter, but they tried to take away my future just so I would be miserable with them. I don't hate them. I feel sorry for them. Every choice they made could've been fixed. But, no. Now I have no idea where they are, and I don't care enough to find out. I'm spending the beginning of my marriage fixing all of the damage they caused. I'm not giving them another chance to do something else...